My Name Is Kalai!!

En per padum paadu!!!

My full name is Kalaivani, but I call myself Kalai working in US. This is not for
scene, ....like how Madhavan does in Anbe Sivam (Anbarasu --> Ars).it
has a looooong and pathetic history...

I started hearing different versions of my name after coming to this
country, and the painful fact is all the possible permutations and
combinations of vowels in my name give meaningful words in tamil!!!

When I first joined the university, my professor wrote to me..

Dear KALAvani (meaning: thief; context: kalavani paya..)

.... ... ...

Sari adhuvachum typo nu free ya vittudalam..

Then after a year, I joined a company for internship.those people called
me before I joined, to inform me about some test which I had to take..

"Hello is this Ms. Kizhavaani?" (meaning: old; context : kizha
bolt..etc.)

"No..this is KALAIvaani"

"Ohh..am sorry KALAvaani" (Marupadiyum. ..)

Then I decided.periya pera irukkinala thane ivlo confusion?!! So, I
started calling myself 'Kalai'... but the story continued..

I joined my full-time position in another company recently. On my first
day, we had a meeting..

"Let's all welcome our new associate.Ms. Kulai" (meaning: bunch;
context: kulai kulaiyai vazhaipazham kaaithadhu)

CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! Followed by smiles.

(Dei.ennangada. .. ellarum serndhu comedy panreengala? ??)

Anniku arambichadhu. ..

Once my boss and I were talking about a project... after finishing the
meeting...

"Ok, Kali. Nice to have you here!" (meaning: last yuga; context: kali
muthi pochu.)

"That's KALAI" (Enakku idhu thevaya?!)

"Ohh kAALi?" (meaning: goddess; context: badrakaali.. )

"Hee hee .very close" (Podaannnggg. ..!!)

So, I stopped correcting my name after that..!

One fine morning, I was working.

"Hey kiLai (meaning: branch; context: marakiLai) .howz it going?"

"Yea good" (Sollitu thirumbitten. Nammaluku edhuku indha per thiruthura
business nu...)

"Is that how you say your name?"

(Aaahaa arambichutanya. ..!!!)

"Uhhh. It's KALAI"

"Kolaai?" (meaning:pump; context: kozhai adi sandai.)

(Venaaammm.. .)

"Kolai?" (meaning: murder; context: kolai panniduven.. )

(Venaam!)

"kaLai?" (meaning: weed; context: kaLai pudunguradhu.)

(Valikkudhu. .. azhudhuduven. ..)

"May be I'll get your name with practice. Haha."

(Idhellam remba over da dei... Tamil la paatha rende rendu ezhuthu thaan
da!!!)

Ennada, Chandramukhi la thalaivar 'durga' perai nakkaladikkira
maathiri... namma per ayiduche nu nenaikkum podhu... my friend came up
with a brilliant idea!

Adhavadhu... to compare my name with a word.so I started using this word
'kaleidoscope' ; which has the same pronunciation as 'kalai'!

So, I started telling everyone. 'Kalai as in kaleidoscope' !. Ippo kooda
romba ellam ozhunga solradhulla. They are saying 'kalaai'
(kalaaikiradhu)..

"Hey Kalaai!!"

"Yea?"

"Just trying to say your name. Ha ha ha"

"Ohhh ..how sweet!" (thooo thEri..)

Yedho vaandhi edukkira effect la per irundhalum.. . my life was in
peace... until few days back...

My net connection was down, so I called up the customer service (En
kiragam. Madras call center ku pochu!)

Enakku andha vishayame theriyala. So I started in complete American
accent...

"Your name ma'am?"

"Kalaai"

"What? Can you repeat ma'am?"

" Kalaai as in kaleidoscope"

"I didn't get that ma'am. Can I have your number? I can check the
records"

(Sigh!... and gave the number)

"Ohh, Kalaivani, right?" (in a sarcastic tone.)

( Ada paavi makka... nee nammooora??! !! All American accents stopped.
Back to Indian accent.)

I could clearly see what he was thinking... per paatha 'urs pammingly'
nu podra category maathiri irukku... scene podradhu mattum princess
Diana range kaa...

"Anna... naan sathyama andha maathiri illeeengana. ..